House Party

Submission 2 for 28 Plays Later. The theme was around groundhog day.

Lorna sits on the toilet, she is holding her head with one hand, and her stomach with the other. She is in discomfort. Almost crying. Music blasts from outside the room. On stage we see into a bathroom. It is the bathroom at a wild house party. People are queuing to use it. There is a window in the bathroom.

Someone knocks at the bathroom door.

Off: Are you nearly finished?

Lorna doesn't answer, she begins to cry.

Off: come on! You've been in there ages.

Lorna: Sorry

Off: what the fuck are you doing in there?

Lorna: Sorry

Lorna gets up, and vomits. She misses the toilet and the vomit lands next to the toilet.

Lorna: fuck.

She looks around the bathroom and tries to find toilet roll, the toilet roll holder is empty. She looks further, and finds a towel. She tries to mop up the sick.

Off: Come on, I need to piss.

Lorna: Sorry, sorry. She looks at the towel. Talking to herself. Right. Bin. She looks around for a bin but can't find one. Fuck. What the fuck. She starts putting the sick drenched towel into her handbag, it clearly won't fit. Fuck fuck fuck.

People are knocking at the door.

Off: Are you alright?

Lorna: laughing nervously yeah I'm fine. Nearly finished. Sorry.

She looks at the sick soaked towel once more. She wretches again but isn't sick. She spots the window. She pauses for a long while trying to think of a plan. Eventually she throws the towel out of the window.

Voices from under the window: What the fuck? / What is it? / Where did that come from? It stinks.

Lorna: She takes a deep breath and composes herself. She rolls a cigarette and puts it behind her ear. She wipes her eyes. Goes to the sink and splashes water over her face. She takes some toothpaste from the sink and uses her finger to put it in her mouth. She takes a novelty gun shaped lighter out of her handbag. She moves towards the door. She's pointing the gun/lighter to the door.

Off: Hurry up or I am knocking the door down! You're taking the piss.

Lorna goes to the door and tries to unlock it, the lock is stuck.

Lorna: The lock is stuck

Off: You have to pull the door in a bit

Lorna: Okay okay

Off: Come on, it’s been like half an hour!

Lorna unlocks the door and it flies open. She is pointing the gun/lighter at the people waiting.

The chaos and noise immediately stop. There is an eerie silence.

Beat

Lorna: If anyone of you tells anyone about this, I'm gonna blow your fucking brains out, and then I will find your family, your girlfriend, your boyfriend, your mummy and daddy, absolutely any-fucking-one that you are close to, and I will fucking kill them too. Do you know what I mean?

Dan runs into the bathroom. I'm really sorry, I just really really really have to piss. He runs to the toilet and pisses.

Lorna is pointing the gun to Dan now. But still talking to the crowd of people at the door. Which one of you motherfuckers did this to me? She is calm and measured. Tell me, or say goodbye to your stupid little friend there.

Silence.

No one says anything. Dan is still pissing. Lorna walks closer and closer to him until she has the gun to the back of his head. He stops pissing, he puts his hands up in shock. He does not have the chance to put his dick away or do his fly up.

Dan: Stop. He's crying. Please stop. Please stop. Please.

Lorna: Shush little boy. And tell me who did this to me.

Dan: I don't know what you mean, did what to you?

Lorna pushes Dan back outside of the bathroom and runs out. Lorna continues holding the gun up, and walks out of the bathroom and back into the party. She puts the gun away. Takes out the cigarette from behind her ear and asks someone for a lighter.

Lorna: to James. Do you have a lighter?

James: What?

Lorna: A lighter She mimes a lighter to him.

James: Oh, yeah sure. Hey, do you wanna a drink?

Lorna: Yeah, please. James passes her a glass of something. She downs it. She seems relieved at first, but then notices a weird taste in her mouth. What the fuck was that?

James: laughs, and shoots an evil look, oh you’ll see.

Lorna: Fuck. I feel sick. She runs back to the bathroom.

Scene Two

It’s 2:08AM, Lorna sits on the toilet, she is holding her head with one hand, and her stomach with the other. She is in discomfort. Almost crying. Music blasts from outside the room. On stage we see into a bathroom. It is the bathroom at a wild house party. People are queuing to use it. There is a window in the bathroom.

Someone knocks at the bathroom door.

Off: Are you nearly finished?

Lorna doesn't answer, she begins to cry.

Off: come on! You've been in there ages.

Lorna: Sorry

Off: what the fuck are you doing in there?

Lorna: Sorry

Lorna gets up, and vomits. She misses the toilet and the vomit lands next to the toilet.

Lorna: fuck.

She looks around the bathroom and tries to find toilet roll, the toilet roll holder is empty. She looks further, and finds a towel. She tries to mop up the sick.

Off: Come on, I need to piss.

Lorna: Sorry, sorry. She looks at the towel. Talking to herself. Right. Bin. She looks around for a bin but can't find one. Fuck. What the fuck. She starts putting the sick drenched towel into her handbag, it clearly won't fit. Fuck fuck fuck.

People are knocking at the door.

Off: Are you alright?

Lorna: laughing nervously yeah I'm fine. Nearly finished. Sorry.

She looks at the sick soaked towel once more. She wretches again but isn't sick. She spots the window. She pauses for a long while trying to think of a plan. Eventually she throws the towel out of the window.

Voices from under the window: What the fuck? / What is it? / Where did that come from? It stinks.

This time we see someone climbing up the window. They have the towel in their hand.

Lorna: No, stop. She tries to slam the window shut, but Christie gets in first.

Christie: What the fuck is this? Showing Lorna the towel.

Lorna: I, I was given a drink, by some guy downstairs. And then I woke up here.

Christie: James? Was it James?

Lorna: He didn’t say his name.

Christie: What does he look like?

Lorna: Tall, handsome I guess, blond. He was wearing/

Christe: /a blue jacket.

Lorna: Yeah, you know him.

Christie: Last party I went to, I, I, I also woke up in a bathroom.

Lorna: Fuck this party.

Lorna shows Christie the gun/lighter in her bag.

Lorna: You know what we should do?

Christie: Looking at the gun Yeah.

Lorna: It’s not real, it’s a lighter. Do you have a cigarette?

Christie: Sure she gives her a cigarette. I have an idea.

Off: Hurry up or I am knocking the door down! You're taking the piss.

Lorna: Fuck off.

They get all the towels, the shower curtain and everything that they can find in the bathroom together. They trash the place and make a giant pile in the middle of the floor. Lorna uses the lighter to set the pile on fire.

Lorna: The lock is stuck

Off: You have to pull the door in a bit

Lorna: Okay okay

Off: Come on, it’s been like half an hour!

Lorna unlocks the door and it flies open. She is pointing the gun/lighter at the people waiting.

The chaos and noise immediately stop. There is an eerie silence.

Beat

James runs into the bathroom to piss.

Lorna and Christie run out of the bathroom, holding up the gun to get through the crowd.

We see the whole house party set on fire. Lorna and Christie sit watching it burn, smoking a cigarette.

End.

Public performance of this script is not possible without the express permission of Andrew Bill Roberts, the author. This script may be used in educational settings free of charge, but not performed to a public audience. Copyright Andrew Bill Roberts 2021.